Female Friendship Dilemma

Long lasting female friendships are hard to find these days. Why is it so difficult for women to remain friends for at least half of a life time? In my opinion, the most significant and common reason for a friendship failure is the absence of foundation. “We are friends because our boyfriends are friends” isn’t the most stable foundation for a friendship. You are more like temporary partners in crime with similar goals in mind. After giving the friendship dilemma some more thought and doing a little research, I came up with the following reasons.

Envy has destroyed many female friendships. Simply explained, you have something that she is lacking or missing. Whether it’s a designer purse you bought, a new man you met or a rewarding job you have, she is never happy for you. She always points out the negative in everything positive that happens to you. The good news: her envy isn’t about you, it’s about her. You just happen to have what she wants. The bad news: your friendship won’t last.

Men issues are deadly friendship terminators that turn friends to enemies. Envy, jealousy, cheating, lying, betraying – any mean is used to justify the ends. Finding out that your boyfriend is cheating with your best friend is very painful. My strong advice here is, stay away from your girlfriend’s man – he is off limits. There are plenty of men out there to catch. Don’t entertain the idea of what if he were mine, accept the fact he is not yours. Another common men related issue is one’s desire to prove that she is a much better pal than you are as his girlfriend. It’s easy for her to play the pal role after you shared all insights of your relationship with her. It’s a tactic called  game playing. She basically confused the roles in the play.

Poison Ivy is a type of friend you rather not have. Your friendship is full of complaints from both sides. She puts you in compromising positions and humiliates you whenever she gets a chance. She is there for you when it’s convenient for her, yet she is still involved in many aspects of your life. She talks bad about you behind your back, and takes advantage of you. Eventually, your friendship will hit a dead end but I would much rather recommend to end it as soon as you can.

Relationship status is another friendship destructor. Not as vicious as envy, it is more of an indication that your friendship is losing its foundation. For example, you are single and your best friend just got married. Her status changed, yours didn’t. While you are out on a man hunt, she is cuddling with her hubby. The in-common-factor is decreasing. To revive your friendship both of you have to accept the change, and add an additional value to your foundation such as for example an exchange of experiences between married and single gals.

Some of us must admit that we are very good at keeping in touch. Days, weeks, years fly by, until we realize that we haven’t been in touch. Busy work schedules, relationships, family obligations leave us with very little time for ourselves. Time is definitely an issue here, and waits for no one. If you don’t prioritize your friendship, it will slowly but surely fade away.

The moral of that story: be the friend you want to have. Define the foundation of your friendships. Keep in mind that the stepping stones of any friendship are mutual respect and caring.

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